I’ve been a terrible blogger lately. My poor neglected blog has been collecting dust as I remind myself to check in a couple times a week just to make sure it hasn’t been hijacked by trolls. Once a week or so I’ve been able to string a few words together and call them a blog post, but any regularity I once managed to maintain has disintegrated, and I fearfully wonder if those trolls have kidnapped my creativity as well.
“I’m too busy” and “I’m too tired” are my standard excuses for just about everything these days, including my skipped workouts, my dependence on Kraft macaroni and cheese, and my blog absence. But those are really just cop outs. I’m not too busy, and I’m not too tired. The simple truth is that I’m learning to be selfish.
As mil spouses we all seem to have this ridiculous tendency to think we can do it all, and I’m no exception. My husband is gone. He missed the last 2 weeks of school, the last 2 weeks of baseball/t-ball season, and that crazy mixture of stress and excitement that goes along with the start of summer vacation. It sucks doing it all without a partner. But sometimes we have to take a step back and realize we don’t have to do it all.
Normally, I would put my children to bed after another long day and then park myself at the computer to compose a blog post or at the very least return the long list of emails I’ve been ignoring. But for the past few weeks, I’ve chosen not to. I’ve chosen to chat with friends on Facebook or read a book or watch bad television. I’ve chosen to put off folding laundry or bathing the dog or finding a place in my attic for my classroom materials I cleared out at school. I’ve chosen to be selfish.
At some point, I do need to clean my house and empty the dishwasher and write a blog post or two. Now that school is out for the summer, I don’t have to use the excuses that I’m too busy or too tired to do what needs to be done. But during the past few weeks, while I was stressing over the speech I had to give at my kindergarten graduation and frantically stopping at the store before the last day of school because I forgot to buy presents for Little C’s teachers and tearing my house apart to find a hidden t-ball hat for the last game, I enjoyed allowing all those other less urgent things to wait until I was ready to give them attention. I enjoyed giving myself permission to sip on a glass of wine while giggling with my best friend on the phone. I enjoyed the realization that I don’t have to do it all. I enjoyed being selfish.