“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” ~Hal Borland

‘Tis the season for year in review posts. And now that we’re mere hours away from a new year, I thought I’d join in on my personal walk down the 2018 memory lane.

So what did my 2018 look like?

My January was all about preparing for a hysterectomy that would put me out of commission for six weeks. When a freak blizzard canceled my original surgery, I spent the rest of the month regrouping, rearranging and re-prepping for the second attempt, which was successfully completed with no complications.

I spent February in a blur of pain meds, hormonal changes, juicy novels, Netflix binge-watching and the realization that my son, who turned 14, had surpassed me in height.

In March I returned to work, reminding myself the art of moderation.

My body told me in April it was ready to get moving and in shape again. I signed up for Orangetheory Fitness and hot yoga memberships, two very different practices that I would soon learn greatly complimented each other. My first essay about my hysterectomy was published.

In May I turned 42, I published my second piece about my hysterectomy and I finally started believing my body was finding its new normal.

I had to wait until June to celebrate my birthday, but the parasailing adventure in the Outer Banks of North Carolina was worth the wait. My son graduated from middle school, my daughter graduated from elementary school.

July uprooted our lives with the news that we had to move unexpectedly. We found a new house in the kids’ school zone in less than a month. We spent the month packing.

Four days into August, we moved into our new house. Not two weeks later, my boyfriend and I were driving around Iceland on an unforgettable vacation. We wrapped up the month celebrating my daughter’s 11th birthday.

Life attempted to slow down in September. Daughter started middle school. Son started high school. We finished unpacking our new house.

October brought pink hair for me and the Halloween my son chose hanging out with his friends over trick-or-treating with his mommy.

In November, I spent time with my parents, celebrated an early Thanksgiving because the kids were with their father on the real one and got my first piece published on a travel site.

I ended the year with December Christmas craziness, my son’s first track meet, a vision board workshop, the anticipation of a kiss from my boyfriend at midnight on New Year’s and lots of new goals for the new year to come.

Happy New Year!!!



2 Comments on Roller Coaster 2018 Year in Review

  1. I am facing a possible hysterectomy in the next few months due to excessive bleeding that has led to severe anemia. I have been maintained with transfusions given bimonthly .Also I have a yet unbiopsed mass and many large diagnosed cysts.I am 45. My children are 16 and 12. My pregnancies were horrible but absolutely Blessings. When I mean horrible I truly mean it as a physical occurrence. A dormant Genetic Disease I had lay hidden until triggered by hormones of my first pregnancy. Drs are and were dumbfounded as to what it was and thus my life quality deteriorated to the point of me needing hospice care both during and after my Son's birth 16 years ago. My Daughter was a miracle also,since I had "gone through menopause" and had not had a period since my son was born, nor did I after her birth until she was 9 years old. I ended up with a failed liver, kidney damage, meningitis, seizures, broken bones,loss of my teeth and my hair etc on and on. But I am alive and count my Blessings. I was recently diagnosed as having a Founder's Disease-meaning I am the Founder-the first recognized case. What I have is a genetic variant of Muliple Mitochondrial Myopathy. A whole other story. However despite all the horror of this illness and having two wonderful kids, I can't get beyond the fact that although I had no epidural for my Son's birth- an induced labor, him facing sunnyside up,and an episiotomy. I never felt any pain. No contractions, no transition, no crowning, nothing. I pushed two times over 3 minutes and he was out. My Daughter was born via planned csection and same thing. Although of course I had an epidural, but no pain surgically related afterwards, just my illness related pain. I feel so much less of a woman for not going through that milestone, that right of passage. I received no typical sympathy like the cute Husband saying "OMG I am glad I didnt have to do that !" from my spouse. Nor did he give any sign of thanks for carrying his babies. I know those are inconsequential niceties because it is a natural process to carry babies for women. But I feel it was too easy and I grieve for the loss of those experiences. This sounds cuckoo, I know. But this is very real to me.I take Zoloft and Xanax to help with the depression the disease has caused, but nothing helps this particular feeling. All I hear and are told is "You are so lucky for not having felt that pain be grateful…my labor was awful!"
    I know I really should be happy to have an unpainful birthing experience 2 times. I also realize in pain regards ,I have had millions of time more pain with this disease than woman who go through even the most horrible labor have gone through. So,in essence I have done my womanly suffering. So why can't I let this go even with counceling? I am afraid this nessisary hysterectomy will bring on similar feelings. I am not having my ovaries removed but my womb ,as I find I must call it,uterus is too clinical and nonsentimemtal, will be 'lost" to me. I believe you understand completely. I just needed to
    reach out to someone who might relate to this grief. My husband doesn't find me attractive in an ohlala way either, but I know other men do so. I also am complemented often on my youthful look and that I am 'pretty'. This is not to be vain but to show I know I am still desirable. Yet I still think of myself as half a woman – biologically unappealing and broken. Any help would be so greatly appreciated Please. Love Michelle D

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