I love massages.  If time and scheduling allowed, I would get a massage every week.  But time and scheduling never seem to allow, so massages in my life are few and far between. 

Over the weekend, I finally had the opportunity to book a 60 minute massage.  Because I always want to enjoy every minute of these rare opportunities, I try to make sure I do everything I need to do before and during a massage in order to optimize my overall relaxation experience.  So here are my…

Top 10 Things NOT to Do When Getting a Massage

10)  Don’t worry about the fact that you haven’t shaved your legs in a week.  I’m sure the massage therapist has seen worse.

9)  Don’t encourage talking.  Well, YOU can if you want to.  But the introvert in me wants to use those 60 minutes to be completely and utterly self-absorbed.  I’m not paying for chit chat.

8)  Don’t think about all the things you SHOULD be doing instead of lying on a table being self-absorbed. 

7)  Don’t drink too many liquids right before your appointment time.  Otherwise you might have to choose between interrupting your zen moment for a potty break or spending your massage trying not to think about your full bladder.

6)  Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want (or for what you don’t want).  During one memorable massage, my massage therapist was actually hurting me instead of helping me relax.  I was too timid to ask her to lighten up on the pressure, and I ended up walking away wishing I had saved my money.  (But I was in Thailand at the time so I’m pretty sure my massage therapist wouldn’t have understood my request even if I had spoken up.)

5)  Don’t get a side-by-side massage with your husband while he’s listening to his iPod.  Not very relaxing hearing Guns N Roses blaring through your spouse’s headphones.  (This massage was in Japan.  Yet another strange Asian massage.)

4)  Don’t spend the whole massage trying to turn your empty thoughts into a blog post.

3)  Don’t think about all the the stressors that led you to need a massage to begin with.  The biggest massage buzz kill?  Thoughts about work, cranky kids, money, the car that isn’t starting, the house that needs cleaning, etc.  Give your mind a break.

2)  Don’t fall asleep!  The other day, when my massage therapist whispered, “We’re all done,” I was so disappointed that I had fallen asleep and missed the massage on the entire right side of my body.  Plus, I’m pretty sure I was drooling.

1)  Don’t forget the reason you’re there…to relax!  So relax.  Sounds simple, but sometimes I need that verbal reminder that it’s ok to let the rest of the world disappear for an hour.
What’s your best massage advice?  Do you have a funny or embarrassing massage experience?


15 Comments on Top 10 Things Not to Do When Getting a Massage

  1. Yes…I think we could ALL use a massage at least once a week! I once worked for a doctor that had his own masseuse come over to massage him and his wife every week. They made her dinner, and then she got to work. Like I said…they were doctors…but heck…maybe they were into "something" else?!?!

    Anyways…I never talk during them. I always feel bad because I feel like I should, but heck…I want the peace and silence! I could use some of that right now actually….as my 14mth old is crawling under my feet and has unplugged the keyboard plug from the computer.


  2. this makes me want to call and make an appointment to get a massage…. and i was half way to zen until I reached #1.

  3. OMG this is so funny. The other month my friend and I got massages and they were just aweful. I am not agiasnt male massage therapists and but I just perfer women and they practically talked us into the men, so the whole time I am thinking, I haven't done lunges this week. lol. Then they were playing music that was wayyyy to upbeat, I was not digging it. Any ways we were talking about writing a joint post on our trip, but this is just great!!

  4. This post reminded me that I need to go get a massage! Once I went to get a massage while I had a head cold. I was tired and dozed off. I definately woke myself up because I was snoring so loud.

  5. My best massage advice – call the person giving you a massage a 'massage therapist'. Masseuse is passé. As a massage therapist we seriously don't care if you have or haven't shaved your legs. I prefer not shaven or just shaven, not the 2 day stubble. Tell your therapist what you want (more pressure, less pressure, or if you want them to shut up – I'm not a chatty therapist, but I know a lot who are). Good Top Ten list!

  6. One time I had a good friend giving me a full body massage in my apartment. I had a sheet draped over me, the lights were low, soothing music was on…and my roommate walked in with her boyfriend. My roommate said something along the lines of how she felt she was violating our "intimate time." It was really awkward for all involved, but now we can laugh at it!

  7. I totally agree with you about wanting to have the time to get a massage at least once a week…
    I have definitely fallen asleep during a massage and possibly drooled. OOPS! For me that is a sign of an amazing/relaxing massage.

  8. Haha! Amen to all 🙂 Such a cute post. No embarrassing moments with massages to report, surprisingly, but there's always the future 🙂 Glad to hear you got to do this for yourself!!

  9. We are called Massage Therapist, not a masseuse! We worked hard and put in a lot of time to get that title. Masseuse is an out dated word that was used long ago for the unprofessional, unethical people. I like your article, and I probably will share it.

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