We mil spouses can use all the help we can get while our husbands are deployed.  The help we need varies depending on our individual situations (whether or not we have children, whether or not we have family nearby, etc.), but we all can use a helping hand every now and then.  Here are my…

Top 10 Ways to Help a Mil Spouse During a Deployment
10) Mow her lawn.  And if you’re feeling especially generous, bring on the weed wacker too.
9) If you’re going to the grocery store, call her and ask if she needs anything.  She’ll most likely say no, but you might just catch her on that day she ran out of milk and can’t fathom dragging her kids out to buy more.
8) Schedule a girls’ night out.  And book her a baby-sitter if she doesn’t already have one.
7) Send her husband an email, a letter, or a care package to reassure him that all is well on the home front.
6) Give her a night off from cooking and stop by with a meal.  (Give her enough notice though so you don’t drop by WHILE she’s cooking.)
5) If you have children, invite her and her kids over for a playdate.  The kids can play while the adults can chat.
4) Listen when she needs to vent.  No advice necessary (unless she asks for it).  Just listen.
3) Periodically offer to take her kids for a few hours so she can go shopping, get a massage, or simply enjoy the silence.
2) Don’t stop calling her just because you don’t know what to say.  She needs all the friends she can get.  On the other extreme, don’t bombard her with phone calls.  Give her the space she needs.
1) Don’t tell her to call you if she needs any help.  Mil Spouses are incredibly independent people.  We won’t call.  If you want to do something for her, just do it.  We may not like asking for help, but we’ll gladly accept it!
What tops your list? 

28 Comments on Top 10 Ways to Help a Mil Spouse During Deployment

  1. Good list. I met my best friend while our husbands were deployed, not same unit, just same base. It was destined to be, lol. We hit it off and wished we had met sooner because we had both been pretty lonely and it was the end of the deployments for both of us. However it was short lived because 6 months after my hubs deployed again. It was just nice to have someone to see movies on base with, and someone else who wanted to cook. Who likes cooking for one? (this was pre-kids of course) Just having someone to get through it with makes all the difference.

  2. absolutely. It is so nice to look out the window and see a neighbor mowing your lawn. it's such a relief and really lets you know that they care.

  3. This is a great list, but what kind of advice can you offer a girl who is in a fairly new "relationship" with a sailor that is stationed on the other side of the country? Thanks!

  4. Usually I don't agree with these types of lists, but these really hit the nail on the head for me. You're a wise woman! I agree, friendship is so important to have during those deployments.

  5. I would repost with my Top Tens, but it would end up being a copy/paste job because I completely agree with everything on the list!

  6. I'm not a military wife but I want to say thank you to all the military spouses out there! Y'all do an amazing job. Big thanks for what your spouses do and for what you do.

  7. I can't think of anything else to add to this awesome list. My husband figured out with one of his best buddies at this duty station that they were going to get deployed to Iraq at seperate times. So, his buddy has been stopping by every couple of weeks or so to mow my lawn and my husband will be mowing his lawn when he's deployed to help out his wife. It's a win-win situation because it'll be just one less thing for her and I to worry about.

  8. AMEN! love that list… especially the "just help her" part. I can't bring myself to ask for it, but would sure love it from time to time 🙂

  9. Number 1 is the MOST IMPORTANT!!! Especially if you live on a hill….

    Remember that there might be things around the house that need fixing: lend her your hubby for a day!

  10. AMEN, you are right, do not ask if i need help because I always have on a happy face. Sending my husband a care package is wonderful and takes some of the guilt of when i can not

  11. Friendship is SO important during deployments. If I hadn't had P's roommate around, I wouldn't have had someone to help keep me calm (although it didn't always help), especially since I'm not a spouse and live so far from post.

    I know we had an "easy" deployment, but the rest may not be this easy, so those tips will come in handy! Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  12. Great list! Number 3 is my favourite!!! Yes, I so much wish I could just leave the kids with a friend for a few hours every now and then! I love your blog:)

  13. The list is awesome! I especially think it's important to not stop calling – I know people can only take so much of a person not responding to voice mails/or turning down invites BUT if they are like me – they will eventually figure out their schedule/life/moods and be FOREVER THANKFUL that you stuck it out with them and kept calling – they'll come around!

  14. Great post! I think so many people actually want to help, but they don't know how so instead they do nothing and say nothing.

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