To Whom It May Concern

Dear Sore Throat and Stuffy Nose,
Please please please go away!  I am going to the Milblog Conference next week, an event I’ve been looking forward to for a year.  I cannot be sick for MilBlogCon!  So please pack up your germs and move them to someone else’s body. 

Dear Baseball Season,
I know I signed up for you.  I know that I was well aware of your scheduling demands before I chose to sign my son up for his gagillionth season of baseball and my daughter for her first season of t-ball.  But please go easy on me.  I’m still adjusting to the loss of my quiet evenings at home and the addition of the kids’ morning crankiness.

Dear Family Hamper,
I know you’ve been feeling unusually empty lately, but have no fear.  Mr. Roller Coaster is on his way home and will no doubt fill you up within minutes of his return.  Enjoy the emptiness while you can.  You’ll be overflowing again in no time.

Dear Gunner,
I don’t think our neighbors appreciate your incessant barking at 6 AM EVERY SINGLE MORNING.  What the heck are you barking at?  Are you having a conversation with the dog across the street?  Are you trying to impress the ladies?  Do you just like hearing yourself talk?  I love that you’re a good watch dog but dude, you have to stop the 6 AM wake up calls!

Dear Coffee,
Last week I had my first cup of you in over 10 years in an attempt to give up my morning Diet Pepsi.  I have to say I don’t get your appeal.  Sure you smell nice, and sure it feels good to pour a hot liquid down my sore throat, but I just don’t get why people can’t live without you.  I kind of feel like I’m drinking toxic mud that leaves my stomach a little queasy and my heart wildly palpitating.  I find that switching to half caff and disguising you with cream and sugar are helpful, but I’m still not convinced. 

Dear Diet Pepsi,
Oh how I miss your artificially sweet bubbles waking me up every morning.  Although you’re still waiting for me after work every day, I’ll be giving up those secret meetings soon as well.  The love affair that has held on strong since my college days will soon be a distant memory.  I might allow myself to rekindle the past when I go to the movies or order a value meal at Chick-Fil-A, but otherwise I must say farewell.  Please know that coffee will never satisfy me the way you do. 

Sincerely,
RC